Questions for self

1. Why should I feel sad when a wave hits the shore and gets waived off? There are infinite more waves on their way to the shore to look forward to!
2. When will I start appreciating the beautiful pattern left on the sand by the waves, rather than just worry about more waves?
3. When will the 'should' turn into 'is'?

I'd better shut up

When I want to talk,
do I want to talk something else,
and so I talk something else?
Or do I want to avoid this,
So I end up telling you that?
Or do I tell you that
because you don't want to hear this,
is what I feel?
Or because of your hints
that you'd rather, me tell you that,
than this,
this damn dark serpent,
out to strangle you?

Silence is really golden...

What is it all but a play of words?
Cleverly wielded swords, by nerds,
Fools, and dreamers alike...
Permitting glimpses of their psyche,
Tho' not all are pretty views,
Swords, after all, are meant for redder hues!
Their clever use can create illusions,
Harmless, sweet confusions...
They also have the potential
To lead to cerebral transfusions...
Sometimes they just help to keep busy,
But whatever, resisting words isn't easy.

Penalty

Dedicating this to a friend, and the place where I did my final year project in Antenna Design...

"May I get you a cup of coffee?" She came and asked..... I was damn bugged with cassegrains and fractals. I looked up at her and realised I had not had anything to eat since morning... except for half a packet of Lays Chat Street chips! Oh shit! That meant I had not had breakfast! Skipped my lunch and plus hadn't had even a drop of water since noon! God! I'd gone crazy! I was never like this! Never ever had food become my secondary concern! That meant, before coming here! For the past six months, I'd changed! Changed enough to alarm my cook. All that she made she found uneaten..... God! I had changed absolutely too much! And I'd never found time to think about all this...... well, to be frank, of course I had the time, if not to eat, to think about food! Definitely! But yes, I needed to put a check on myself! I had to eat! I just couldn't afford to fall sick with malnutrition.... who would complete this project? And how would I face Vivek? Actually Tanya had told me last week, not to work so hard..... and I had had to use my brains to keep her from speaking to Anandibai. Tanya would never let me starve........ she'd have come over to stay and make me eat.... But I had no right to have her doing anything for me! Not even worrying for me!

Ok! First things first! I had to answer her question. Did I want coffee! I just looked at Vivek's desk and saw the red coffee mug Tanya had gifted him on his last birthday.... 8 days before they got him... He'd told me how much he had liked it and how he drank coffee that day..... that that had been his best evening ever with Tanya.... and maybe the last too.. because he had to leave the next day, and then they got him....... and got everything else too......... Had I just not kept talking to the Pizza delivery girl! Had I been good enough and been at my desk to receive his last ever mail..... And alerted Ajay! No! But I had to talk to this stupid girl and shut down the PC and run home.... Oops! A spider jumped onto the red mug and brought me back to the present. Sudha kept looking at me, of course she expected an answer from me... And I had to reply! A second look at the red mug was enough for me to refuse coffee..... no matter how much I craved for it! I did not deserve it.... No more coffee for me till I finished this design! I could imagine Anandibai's face when I'd go home at night........

But I had to face her..... "Thanks Sudha! But I really don't feel like having coffee!" And I started the simulation again.... for the 38th time...... This time I had to get it right! Vivek usually finished within 25 simulations! 4 hours would have been enough for him to design such a stupid antenna! Hmm..... Now I had to design it... no matter how much time I took. I could sense Sudha giving me a weird look and was about to say something when I cut her short - "Sudha plz go and complete that soon.. I will want the triangle dimensions soon....... Hurry!" Thankfully she left, and left me alone with Vivek and the coffe mug and my guilt. Some day I'd eat...... like before....... when I'd gotten over my guilt....... Ha! I had lots to do before I could face him, across the coffee table..... up there..........?

Dr. Dan???

I'd like to dedicate this to Arun, The Green Lantern, my friend, who began calling me Dr. Dan... and Ami! She knows why...

Wish I was Dr. Dan,

And could find all the cures,

And could wipe away the tears,

His, hers, and yours...

Oh, since when did I acquire

So much of vanity,

To think that I could restore,

Mankind's sanity!

All problems will be solved,

All faces shall smile,

He will look into everything,

'Doing quietly' is His style..

Of all people, Dr. Dan,

Accept what He prescribes,

Be strong and don't you fall ill,

And stop meddling with others' lives.

Autums N Colums...

Special thanks to Ankur, my colleague (hooo!)...
Thanks Ankur, for being an excellent sounding board,
That you listened, without showing you are bored,
And egged me on...!

Autum said i'm missing N,
Colum said i'm missing N,
Seudo said i'm missing P,
Consinement said i'm missing G...
And then... along came N and N with P and G...
And they flew to these words.

These birds didn't want to be free,
They wanted to be caged with the other alphabets...
Not everyone values Freedom,
Not everyone needs to...

I can see more B's and Q's and T's flying hither and thither...
I run to seek shelter,
Am running helter-skelter,
To save myself from those who are desperate to be caged!
I try my best,
Lest, I be dragged with them!

I never want my N's to find their way to my autums and colums,
I want to express freely,
I want to be on an expression spree,
Caring not for conformation, acceptance...
Honesty's my only grammar rule..
And expression's my only survival tool.
I care not whether or not I'm cool.

I just want Him to hear me...
I want to be Him, and listen to myself,
And grant, that autumNs can come without N's,
That spring will always spring,
In spite of yourself,
And that you'll always smile,
And words will continue to pile,
In your dainty little head,
And you won't hesitate to spread,
The glow on your face!
To the fallen leaves... of the autumN, knocked down by the N's...

Look.. What makes u want to spell it right,
You're disturbing such a beautiful sight!
Throw away the rules!
They are only for fools...
Your constitution must be your own,
Only then you'll abide, without a groan,
or any moan!
Your seeds, only you should've sown,

So... coming back to the N's,
Do we even need to come back?
Yes, let's gather the N's.

The N's no pro...
It's for you to show,
How to go...
On the path to happiness...,
and bliss,
It's for you to kiss,
The trembling blade of grass,
And reassure it,
That the dew does make it wet,
And brings the cold,
But in the end,
Only that will make it bold,
To face them!
Them winds!
Biting, ruthless and cold..
And to blow them away!
To the land that needs the columNar autumNs,
Let 'em take the N's and P's and G's with them.
Dear blade of grass, you can do without them,
Not because I insist,
But because you'll persist,
Even without their troubling presence.

Be free! Be light!
Exhale with all your might!
It'll carry you through the night,
Far into the dawn!
When hope will spawn,
From your sighs,
And now, I have to say my byes!
To the N's...
Thankfully...

N's toh aate hi rahenge, kal, aur kal, aur kal...
It's in my hands, to turn my back to them...

Ami!!!

This one's for you, Ami! One of my best friends! >:D< :-*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARIE!

On and on it goes, Life, on and on it goes,

What's in store for us tomorrow, He only knows...

Surprises and challenges, everyday it throws,

Can capture it all in neither poetry nor prose!

It can't be imagined without any of our friends or foes,

With whom we share all our happiness and woes.

Right from when we learnt to stand on our ten little toes,

Till we are tired and our eyes, forever we close.

Let's roam together, let's fly with the gentle wind that blows,

Let's quench others' thirst like the clear water that flows.

Let's smell danger with our sharp little nose,

Let's equip ourselves with thorns like the sweet little rose...

Let's huddle together when it pours, when it snows,

Let's scare away Doom, if, in front of us, it does pose.

Let's march together Ami, whether or not Adversity shows,

Let's discover, more and more beautiful, day by day, Life grows!