Penalty

Dedicating this to a friend, and the place where I did my final year project in Antenna Design...

"May I get you a cup of coffee?" She came and asked..... I was damn bugged with cassegrains and fractals. I looked up at her and realised I had not had anything to eat since morning... except for half a packet of Lays Chat Street chips! Oh shit! That meant I had not had breakfast! Skipped my lunch and plus hadn't had even a drop of water since noon! God! I'd gone crazy! I was never like this! Never ever had food become my secondary concern! That meant, before coming here! For the past six months, I'd changed! Changed enough to alarm my cook. All that she made she found uneaten..... God! I had changed absolutely too much! And I'd never found time to think about all this...... well, to be frank, of course I had the time, if not to eat, to think about food! Definitely! But yes, I needed to put a check on myself! I had to eat! I just couldn't afford to fall sick with malnutrition.... who would complete this project? And how would I face Vivek? Actually Tanya had told me last week, not to work so hard..... and I had had to use my brains to keep her from speaking to Anandibai. Tanya would never let me starve........ she'd have come over to stay and make me eat.... But I had no right to have her doing anything for me! Not even worrying for me!

Ok! First things first! I had to answer her question. Did I want coffee! I just looked at Vivek's desk and saw the red coffee mug Tanya had gifted him on his last birthday.... 8 days before they got him... He'd told me how much he had liked it and how he drank coffee that day..... that that had been his best evening ever with Tanya.... and maybe the last too.. because he had to leave the next day, and then they got him....... and got everything else too......... Had I just not kept talking to the Pizza delivery girl! Had I been good enough and been at my desk to receive his last ever mail..... And alerted Ajay! No! But I had to talk to this stupid girl and shut down the PC and run home.... Oops! A spider jumped onto the red mug and brought me back to the present. Sudha kept looking at me, of course she expected an answer from me... And I had to reply! A second look at the red mug was enough for me to refuse coffee..... no matter how much I craved for it! I did not deserve it.... No more coffee for me till I finished this design! I could imagine Anandibai's face when I'd go home at night........

But I had to face her..... "Thanks Sudha! But I really don't feel like having coffee!" And I started the simulation again.... for the 38th time...... This time I had to get it right! Vivek usually finished within 25 simulations! 4 hours would have been enough for him to design such a stupid antenna! Hmm..... Now I had to design it... no matter how much time I took. I could sense Sudha giving me a weird look and was about to say something when I cut her short - "Sudha plz go and complete that soon.. I will want the triangle dimensions soon....... Hurry!" Thankfully she left, and left me alone with Vivek and the coffe mug and my guilt. Some day I'd eat...... like before....... when I'd gotten over my guilt....... Ha! I had lots to do before I could face him, across the coffee table..... up there..........?